Recovering From Sexual Assault as a Young Cathiloc Woman
Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
My Experience of Life After Sexual Assault
1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. When it first happens, you either react with a fight, flight, or fawn response. Many of us victims often hear: “Well, what were you wearing?” “Why didn’t you push them off?” “Other people have it worse.” But I am here to tell you, you didn’t ask for this. You didn’t deserve this. Trauma is trauma, no matter how “bad” it was.
After being sexually assaulted, life appears completely different. Like many other victims, I entered a state of dissociation. It’s an out-of-body experience where you feel detached from your physical body. I felt as though I was performing basic tasks without knowing where I was or who I am. Often, many of us enter a stage of denial, completely blocking out the painful event. For me, this stage of denial lasted nearly four years. Doing homework, then going to bed. Waking up and making breakfast. Going to school with a smile plastered on my face. Going to bed again. Until one day I awoke and the realization hit: I had been sexually assaulted. My heart was feeling things it had never felt so intensely before: hate, shame, anger, depression. I couldn't eat. I couldn't laugh. I couldn’t heal. It felt as though my abuser would haunt my life forever, creeping their way into every birthday party, every restaurant, and every bathroom floor. After talking to a few trusted friends, I decided to attend therapy. I found a woman who specialized in her treatments in the Catholic Faith. For the first couple of sessions, we talked about simple things. Like what I like to do for fun, where I like to eat, what books I like to read, how I like my eggs cooked (over easy), and how I feel about the lost years of my childhood being taken away by sexual assault. WOAH. I know that’s what I came here to talk about, but why so soon?? And then, I cried. I cried a lot. I revealed my hatred for him, the horrible pain I feel from one person who took the most important years of my life. How, because of him, I am an angry daughter and distant friend. How all I do is try to forget over and over again, and nothing seems to work.
And then she said, “But he is a child of God. How do you think God sees him?”
Oh.
How to Heal From Trauma as a Young Catholic Woman
Jeremiah 30:17 "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord.
Healing is a long emotional process that takes time, support, and prayer.
Acknowledge What Happened To You, and Build a Support System
Feel now, assess later. The most important part of the healing process is to acknowledge that you were betrayed and hurt. Do not deny that what happened to you was wrong and painful. A practice that can help you with this is writing down the event on paper, or in your notes app. It is important to understand the severity of the event and the effect it has on you. And most importantly, feel those feelings now, and assess them later. If you feel sad, Cry. When you feel angry, write down your unfiltered thoughts in a journal. It is okay to take time to grieve over the version of you before this happened. It is okay to feel sad for yourself and angry at the world. However, while feeling these strong feelings, it is important to have a support system nearby.
It is easy to drown in this period of processing such deep emotions. A support system of trusted friends, family, or a therapist is necessary. If you are feeling alone, pray for a support group where you can share what you are going through. God will provide for you.
Attend Therapy
I know it is hard to recall those events, and if you are like me, you would rather keep it to yourself. But therapy provides us with a safe space to truly heal and bring the beauty that is within us back to the surface. If I am being honest, I was not a fan of attending therapy. However, my therapist told me these words that completely changed the course of my healing process: “But he is a child of God. How do you think God sees him?”
This one phrase made me angry at first. However, all that hate I had towards my abuser had blossomed into something else: forgiveness.
The Power of Forgiveness
“and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us;.” How crazy is it that forgiveness is mentioned in the Lord’s Prayer? It is such a powerful attribute that we are capable of, that we recite it as God intended. Forgiveness is difficult, and many fail to do so. It does not have to come immediately. It is a slow-burning virtue that takes longer for some than others, and depends on the circumstance. However, we are all God’s children. Whether you forgive one another now or 20 years later, forgiveness is the ticket to letting go finally. However, you must never forget the pain it caused you.
Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
It Does Not Define WHO You Are
Life may feel like a heavy burden right after a traumatic event like this. However, you must remember that who you are is not belittled down to the time you were taken advantage of. You are SO much more than that <3 The truth is, it can only make you stronger. Our faith, our love for others, our passions and talents, and our beautiful hearts define us. Sometimes, the enemy will knock us down, but we will build bridges over those mountains. You may not be able to return to “how life was before it happened,” but you can persevere through these hard challenges and come out even better than before.
Life Does Get Better!
You may feel as though you’ll never feel normal again. That no matter what you do, you will forever carry this burden you never asked for. That every day is an endless cycle of sleeping, waking up, and showering. Well, I am happy to tell you, Life Does Get Better. One day you’ll wake up and praise the Lord for a beautiful day. You’ll make breakfast because your body simply needs the nourishment. You’ll speed through your homework to watch a silly rom-com in your bed later that night. So buckle up, and prepare for the beautiful life ahead of you!
